How Do Children In The Same-sex Families Live


      Everyone has a right to start a family. Even same-sex couples. It is a choice to make for each family, for each person whether to have children or not. Some have difficulties with getting pregnant due to health problems. Some have a baby after a baby without it to be planned. Others do not wish for it to happen despite good chances, excellent health and loving, understanding partners and some… are simply of the same sex.

     It is no longer a secret for homosexuality to exist and homosexual people come out of a closet more and more. Even homosexual celebrities do not make a secret out of their non-traditional orientation any longer. There are American states in which a marriage between same-sex people is legal by the law. There are still people who do not wish it to happen, who think it to be outrageous, disgusting, homophobic people to cut it short. It is up to you to decide whether it is a perverse or to accept understandingly and be tolerant towards everyone despite its race, age or sexual identity.

     We live in a modern world though and whatever our attitude to same-sex spouses is, children living in such kind of families has become a reality, a part of daily graft. New forms of partnership, spouses with children from previous marriages, development of medically assisted procreation technologies, - all these changes lead to the fact that more of such children appear. How do they live in untypical families, what do they think about their origin and their parents, what upsets them, what makes them happy, what worries them? In any case, are they different from other children? You are to write in your argumentative or persuasive essay on adoption by gay families. Meanwhile, you may have a look at what experts in this area have to say.

     Neither same-sex marriages, nor gay adoption is forbidden in Russia. Nevertheless, such couples do exist. Just like children living in such types of matrimony. Although, anyone is unlikely to know a precise number, it is most definitely to go beyond “statistical discrepancy” already. In France, for example, 250 000 of children live in families in which at least one of partners is homosexual. The number of children in same-sex families measures at 20-40 000. We have dealings with a new reality, which is why it is so important to try as far as possible to objectively sort out what it means for a child to grow up with two loving people of the same sex.

Pointless argument

       During a discussion about bringing up children by homosexual spouses, one aspect of situation comes out more often than not – does homosexual orientation influence on a child sexual preferences formulation. Psychologists and sexologists tend to think it does not. Researches of the psychologist Frederick W. Bozett (who studied lavender marriage)and his colleagues, for instance, say so, who were observing children bringing up in same-sex families for a long time. The conclusion they jumped to is the following: children who were brought up by heterosexual parents become homosexually oriented more often.     

     However, with the same result it is fair to say that children brought up by heterosexual parents more often become the pilots of the planes, Nobel laureates or serial killers. All of that will be an absolute truth – first, because of there to be more of heterosexual spouses, to begin with. Secondly, researching of this topic began only when a phenomenon of the same-sex marriages was spoken about openly for the first time, which is back in 80`s of the past age. In addition, 30 years is not that much of a time for such serious conclusions. Due to the same reason, the researches accordingly to which children live better with homosexual parents than with heterosexual parents and even more with one parent only should not be taken seriously. Arguments of those who say about upbringing of homosexuality and perversions in same-sex spouses are not the least bit more compelling. Quite often, they are even less compelling. Let us say, Timothy J. Dailey in his Dark Obsession: The Tragedy and Threat of the Homosexual Life overlook consistently fault all the opponents for inaccuracy, referring to even more inaccurate and false information.    

     There are not enough of longitudinal researches as of yet to make any conclusions about influence of sexual orientation of parents onto sexuality of their children. We are to consider a rule of thumb. Freud himself framed his theories of rule of thumb and his theories are used until now. In accordance with my experience of work with children of same-sex spouses, I may say that those are heterosexual children.

   There is no one common reason of homosexual orientation formulation, a family psychologist agrees. – Those might be genes or psychological reasons. But it is hard to imagine that a child can become homosexual only because his or her parents are. Personal traits of those adults with whom a child grows up are more important and in that sense, there are no gays at all. There are different spouses and different relationships. Partners may be kind and soft or demanding and strict. These traits influence a formulation of a child`s personality much more than their sexual orientation.   

     Another issue, which make many worry is whether a sexual scene between his homosexual parents may have an impact onto his/her psychic? Any couple, whether it is hetero- or homosexual, parents do not tend to show their sexual relations in front of their children if only it is not some pathological case. Moreover, she has no reasons to think that there are more of such cases in case with homosexual spouses.

Family roles

    However, sexuality is not nearly the main issue, which emerges from children in the same-sex families upbringing. It is more important to understand how a psychic of a child in such situation develops and whether their “parents” are able to fulfill two different functions – a function of a mother and a function of a father. From the perspective of classical psychoanalysis, identity development and normal personality development of a child are impossible without overcoming of Oedipus conflict – unconscious sexual vigor for a parent of the opposite sex. Is it possible for a child bringing up by a homosexual spouse?      

     Yes, it is possible. The sense of Oedipus inhabitation and corresponding conflict lies within a child to realize that there are relations between parents s/he is excluded of. The child begins to feel jealousy and desire to establish alike relations with one of the parents, usually of the opposite sex.  

       This explains roles in a homosexual spouse. One of the partners comes out as a parent with a function of a mother and the other one – that same “third” who already tells a child that his/her mother cannot love only him/her, cannot love him/her too much because she loves the other parent too. Due to the “third” a child as s/he grows up is out of overwhelming connection with mother and reaches out to the outside world. Father saves a child from confluence with mother. This situation though is possible for homosexual families where there is a division of roles onto female and male. In such a case a child has a chance to receive necessary amount of love and care and at the same time protection from a confluence with one of the parents. There is a certain risk that a role of a father to be different from mother`s not functionally only but also sexually. A child might have difficulties with perception of sexes in a homosexual family. Especially if to talk about upbringing of boys in a family out of two women. It is harder for him to build up his male identity. Admittedly, not a single generation has grown up in families of two women. There was a colossal deficit of men in the post war times and a family out of mother, grandmother and a child was normal basically. Even now, there is nothing extraordinary about this kind of families. A grandmother normally acts as mother, takes care of a child and a mother, on the contrary, acts as a male working and providing a family. At that relations between the two women might be quite intense. In this sense, same-sex couple, living in peace and quiet, can make more sense for upbringing of a child.       

     Luckily, the world of a child does not consist of parents only. Children meet men and women everywhere. Read about them in books, sees in movies how heroines` worries and heroes` acts of bravery. In a word, if a child does not grow up in a complete isolation, there are enough guides for his or her correct self-identification.

     There are many cases when for many reasons father instead of a mother brings up a child from the cradle. It affects the child`s development in no way. Moreover, it is not uncommon for fathers to cook these days while mothers run a huge business.